Retail Therapy

After such a negative post last time I wanted to let you all know that I got a mani/pedi, coffee, and new underwear. I feel great. The Captain said "Didn't you just buy underwear?" No. The last pair of underwear that I bought was a pair of plain cotton maternity underwear, hardly anything that makes you feel sexy or in the least bit good about yourself. And so what if I did just buy underwear. Victoria's Secret was having a sale. He relaxed when I told him I used a gift card.

I used a gift card for my nails too. I have a wallet full of gift cards that have accumulated from birthdays and Christmases long past. I never seem to find the time or energy to spend money on myself, not even when it's other people's money. I have some other errands to run today and I've decided that it's time. It's gift card day! The Captain will be gone and Mister and I are going to spend all day (or as long as he lasts) using as many of those cards as I can. I have a trip coming up and I think I could use a few new things.

Now, if I could get a shower we'll be all set

If the telephones in The Matrix were real....

Life is spinning by so fast that I can't see the colors anymore. You've heard the term living paycheck to paycheck? I feel like I manage each day coffee to coffee, each week from one work shift to the next. My weekend (which is really Thursday and Friday) is spent at the grocery store, Target, Costco, and cleaning the bathrooms. I'm just waiting for the next big thing and it isn't happening. A friend of mine used the term "mommy-blob" today. She may have just as well used my name instead.

Mister just turned one and I feel like I lost a year of my life. He's amazing, I don't mean to make it sound like I haven't been so blessed by having him. The milestone of his birthday, though, really hit me hard. I'm afraid of spiraling into a depression if something doesn't change... and soon.

We've never been in one place this long. Not one state, not one apartment. My job is going downhill quickly. I'm not at risk of losing my job but the politics and backstabbing are starting to take over. It's not as enjoyable as it used to be and I'm finding more and more to complain about (which is not becoming). Leaving Mister and The Captain every day for 11+ hours breaks my heart. I'm really unhappy with my body and I'm making myself miserable trying to change it. There are just so many things that can and will be so much better if we could just move on.

I have an amazing vision of what our lives will be like and I'm convinced it's going to happen. It just needs.to.happen.

All I can do is try to stay patient (something I've never been very good at) and know that eventually I'll see rainbows again.