Baby Ga

I asked Caleb what he thought the baby's name should be. He said, very proudly, "Ga!"

We'll keep an open mind.

Lately this baby has been causing trouble. I don't remember ever feeling this bad the first time around. Sure, being pregnant was no picnic for me but I attributed that mostly to the fact that my husband deployed shortly after we found out and I was going through it all alone. I was healthy, though, and had what I would now consider a very easy pregnancy. I went through the exhausted, low energy phases but it wasn't so bad. It was just me. If I didn't feel like making dinner I didn't. I ate a lot of cereal. I didn't have to take call at work and my shift didn't start until 8:30 am. I slept a lot. My blood pressure was never an issue until week 39, my back and feet never hurt, morning sickness was only in the morning and completely subsided without return by week 11.

No such luck this time. I'm on call two nights a week and my shift, with a 30 minute commute, starts at 6:00am. On my days off my 3 year old wake me up by 6am and I MUST get him breakfast lest he starve. Not cooking dinner is not an option with two hungry boys in the house. Not doing laundry is not an option. Not cleaning the bathrooms is not an option (boys are gross). So when I'm tired, I'm just tired and I have to suck it up. Most days I'd give almost anything for a nap.

I will say the morning sickness was better this time. I haven't actually thrown up. However, here I am at week 15 and eating in general is still a struggle. I'm hungry, oh believe me I'm hungry. But nothing is appetizing. Ever. I rarely want anything that is available and drinking water nauseates me. I just want to want food again. (Said the fat girl who wished she had self control. Karma?)

And lets not get started on my blood pressure. Or, yes, lets. It's been way too high. I've been on medication but it isn't working. My doctor told me to start taking the meds twice a day if I noticed it getting high. I did and it was still really high. High enough to give me debilitating headaches for 5 straight days. I called my Dr, went back in, and she adjusted the dosage again.

I don't know if it's the blood pressure, the lack of sleep, the lack of stable meals or all of it together but I just feel rotten. In general I just never feel well. 15 weeks along and I'm already short of breath after normal activity. Baby Ga better get it together or it's going to be a really long 9 months.

I Enjoy Seeing the Inside of My Eyelids

I'm exhausted. Physically and mentally I'm just done. It all started Thursday night.

I was on call and working the late shift. Thursdays are normally my day off but I traded so I could have Saturday off. I'll get to that. So I'm working late, it's 10:30pm and nothing is going on in the department. I figure I'm on call, I'll just start my call early and go home to get a head start on sleep (I normally work until midnight). I was home just long enough to change my clothes and get comfortable when they called me back in for TWO studies. When I got to work the order times were 10:32 and 10:44. Had the front desk person been paying attention I would have been able to come back in before I even left the parking lot. So by the time I got there one patient had already been admitted and one was being transferred, literally on the paramedic gurney being wheeled out the door. Needless to say I was not happy. I got home and in bed for about 30 minutes before I got called again. I didn't sleep Thursday night.

Friday was Caleb's birthday and I was just too tired to take him to school. It's a 45 minute drive for 2 hours of 13 crazy toddlers and a 45 min drive home. I wasn't up for it. But I did have a gazillion things to do that day to get ready for his party. I didn't get a nap. But it mostly got done. I had intended to do the decorating that night so it would save time in the morning. But I had also had a constant headache since Thursday afternoon and by Friday evening I just couldn't take it and had to go to bed.

Saturday morning I was running behind, decorating, and still had a headache. But Caleb's party/brunch was a success and fun. He had a great time and I hope his friends and our guests did too. They even helped clean up. I don't remember Saturday night. I was just tired and everything was blurry.

Sunday I worked. I over slept from depravity and I was late but I finally felt a little better. Monday (today) I worked a 6 hour shift, with a headache, and then hauled to a 4 hour meeting across town. Four hour meetings are no fun when you have to pee every 20 minutes. Now I'm home and I'm using my very last bit of energy to write this blog. Because I'm certainly not going to clean the house.

No Time For a Seat Cover

I had an ultrasound today. It was a 13 week nuchal translucency test (never mind what that means) so it was important that I have it done today along with some blood work. I got there at 1:30 for my 2:00 appointment thinking I would get the blood work done first and then get home earlier.

I was wrong.

I checked in, she handed me the lab slip and as I turned around to go to the lab the lights went out. The entire building lost power. Great. I walked down to the lab and she drew my blood anyway, just moved the chair over to the window so she could see. Back in the doctor’s office I knew I couldn’t have an ultrasound without electricity but she assured me that the power would be back in soon and they’d get me right in. Again, I knew I couldn’t reschedule so I sat down and wait with my full bladder.

At 2:30 I was really, really ready to pee. I shifted in my chair because my leg started to hurt. Big mistake. Shifting my legs also shifted my bladder and sent extra signals to my brain about how full it was. If bladders could curse mine would have made a sailor blush. Ok, no more shifting.

I sat still. Very still. At 3:00 I was in so much pain I was labor breathing. Sitting in the dark I wonder if some of the other patients might have thought I was really in labor. I thought about asking if I could pee just a little but I didn’t dare get up or I might not be able to sit back down. I was also convinced that as soon as I peed the electricity would come back on and I would be out of luck.

I was nearly in tears. I tried meditating. I tried the power of suggestion, “I do not have to pee. I have held it longer than this before. I am stronger than my bladder.” I closed my eyes and prayed to God that the lights would come back on. I tried distracting myself with games on my phone and watching other people come into the office and trip over chairs in the dark.

Then at 3:30 the lights came on! I almost cried again because I was so happy. But two people went in before me. And I knew judging by the size of the second woman’s belly that this was her anatomy scan and she would be in there for a long time. I couldn’t wait anymore. I got up slowly and painfully to hobble to the bathroom. Walking was unbearable and both bathrooms were in use. While I waited the tech came out and called my name, finally!! She actually let me go to the bathroom before she started. I almost didn’t make it and even after I peed I was still in pain. But she got the test done and I’m pretty sure my skin isn’t yellow anymore.

Uneventful Is Good Sometimes

Life is uneventful lately so...

10 points if you know what movie this is from (one of my favorites) I'd like the apple pie a la mode. But I'd like the pie heated and I don't want the ice cream on top, I want it on the side, and I'd like strawberry instead of vanilla if you have it, if not then no ice cream just whipped cream but only if it's real; if it's out of the can then nothing.

Waitress: Not even the pie?

No, I want the pie, but then not heated.

It's just a fat phase.

My husband innocently asked me this morning if I had a baby bump yet.

I lost it.

Are you kidding me? Have you not noticed the 10 extra pounds I've put on in 4 weeks that magically only appear around my mid-section? Seriously? You can't tell? This tells me one of two things A) he is completely unobservant and hasn't looked at me in a month or B) I just look fat, not pregnant.

The answer is B. I know this because my husband notices everything. He is one of the most observant, detail oriented people I know. Especially if I put on weight. And my weight fluctuates a lot. He's not mean about it, and doesn't even really care because he just loves me anyway. He's great like that. But he notices.

So in his mind when he was just excited about the baby and curious to know if I was showing yet my hormonal brain heard, "Hey, you're fat." And I snapped at him. I was just beginning to feel better about the weight gain, thinking that I actually looked pregnant and not just like a cow with pants that were too tight. Apparently, that's not the case.

I struggled because I gained weight rapidly and started showing early. At first I was confident that it wasn't "baby" because it was too early. I was just gaining weight because I wasn't dieting and my hormones are different. I'm at that awkward phase of pregnancy where maternity clothes are too big and real clothes are too small. I am the woman people whisper about asking "Is she? I can't tell," and they're afraid to ask. Then slowly I became accepting of it as everyone told me that you show earlier with the second one. I started wearing real clothes that made my belly more evident instead of hiding it like I did when I was legitimately fat. But now, now I'm embarrassed that I've been walking around like that and I'm going back to the baggy scrubs and over-sized t-shirts.

Seriously, folks. This is not a 12 week belly. This is fat.

10 weeks

We told our parents.

We got Caleb a shirt that said Only Child Big Brother and went to my dad's for dinner. No one noticed for about an hour until my sister-in-law stared at him for a while and very apprehensively asked "Why does his shirt say big brother? Are you pregnant?!" It was fun and she was proud to be the first to notice.

Brian called his parents that night and they were excited for us and I called my mom the next day who promptly called her sister 30 seconds after hanging up with me. I guess that means she's excited.

More people at work know now but we still aren't really advertising it. If someone asks I tell them but I'm not wearing a sign around my neck and I'm still wearing scrubs loose enough to just make me look fat.

I sent my sisters and best friends a text, which isn't the most ideal way to tell people but actually the most reliable form of communication between those people.

So now that our families know it's not a big deal if other people know too. I can't wait to find out the gender!

9 weeks

I'm feeling much better. Actually, aside of the very first day of nausea and two random days of mild, short term nausea I'm feeling great. Oh, and aside of being fat.

No kidding. I recently lost weight and was finally feeling comfortable again. I bought all new clothes! Then as soon as I found out I was pregnant I quit dieting. Baby needs calories.

Know what else loves calories? My hips and thighs. I gained weight rapidly and none of the new clothes I bought fit anymore. I'm completely uncomfortable again and I'm not even "showing" It's just fat.

I also had to tell my boss today. Which was earlier than I planned on telling anyone at work. Two close friends at work knew but that's all, and I trust them both. I was in a procedure today and had to tell the radiologist. He was cool about it, happy for me and wouldn't tell anyone. The nurse in the room over heard and, even though I told her know one knows yet, she opened her mouth as soon as the next person walked into the room "Hey! Have you heard about Kelly?!"

Neither of those people can keep a secret. I guess it's out. At work anyway. So I figured before the entire department knew I should tell my boss. But my family doesn't know yet and that's a little awkward.

8 weeks

I really thought I might get away without the dreaded morning sickness this time around. I was feeling really good, too good actually. I had zero pregnancy symptoms. No morning sickness, no breast tenderness, nothing. I was convinced something was wrong. I'm irritable but I attribute that to my lack off coffee.

I had an ultrasound and everything is fine, peanut looks great. Then the day I turned 8 weeks BAM! Like a ton of bricks I was nauseated. I woke up and couldn't eat breakfast. I took a shower and had to lie down. I tried to get ready for work and I had to put on my make up in stages because I couldn't stand up long enough without being overwhelmed with nausea.

I went to work with a Vernors on hand and no lunch because the thought of anything made me feel worse. It didn't help. I was assisting a biopsy at work and I really almost threw up. I was standing there with a mask on breathing my own air in a hot room standing watching the procedure. I almost lost it. I was nauseous from 4:30am until noon. Ugh.

That night I put some saltines on my nightstand next to the alarm clock. I remember with Caleb I learned that, for me, the trick to overcoming morning sickness was to eat a couple of crackers in the morning before I even sat up. Then just lay there for 10 more minutes. I know every pregnancy is different but I though it was worth a shot. It worked. I've done that for two days in a row now and feel fine. I don't feel great because I'm exhausted every minute of the day, but I'm not nauseated and I'm able to eat real food, including breakfast.

But the exhaustion? I haven't made it past 9:00pm all week and if I don't keep moving I fall asleep on the couch in the middle of the day. Brian is so understanding and helpful. He just lets me sleep. After all, growing a person is hard work.