Letting It Ride

I saw my doctor yesterday, even though I wasn't supposed to. I was scheduled for my regular NST and fluid check but not a visit with the doctor until Friday's appointment. When I was called back the nurse said "are you seeing the doctor today?" I told her that I wasn't scheduled to but that I wish I was. She made it happen.

I talked to her about the jerk perinatologist and asked her all my questions and explained all my concerns. Without crying. I'm so proud of myself. She basically agreed with me that the perinatologist should have had a little more compassion and presented things in a more professional manner, that often times they are focused on the baby and forget that the person sitting in front of them is a patient, too.

She also agreed with his recommendation, though. But I feel better hearing it from her and knowing that she is on board with letting things ride. She was very impressed with how much growth there was (even though it wasn't much, she was expecting less). She said "To be honest, I really thought you were going to have a baby on Monday." So did I. No one, not a single doctor I've seen, thought we'd make it this far.


So right now the plan is to go in 3 times a week for NST and fluid check, blood work once a week and seeing the doctor once a week. If at any point any of those go south or my blood pressure spikes then we'll deliver. Otherwise we're hanging in there and it's really day by day.

But 37 weeks (which if you remember was initially called a miracle to reach) is still the day. My doctor said that even if everything is still stable that's the day we bail her out. And I'll happily take that miracle.

Even when it's good news, bedside manner is still important

There are conflicting studies and papers about whether or not bed rest is actually effective or if it just makes you go crazy (that part I can attest to). But the way the perinatologist explained it made sense that it would work. And the biggest reason why opinions differ is because of the people conducting the study: those who do daily clinical work as see results in patients vs those who primarily do research. The clinicians say it works. And I believe him.

Obviously my blood pressure stays down when I'm relaxed and not trying to do a million things and keep up with everything that comes with being a mom and a wife. And my blood pressure is the problem. So it makes perfect sense to me that when you knock those things out of the equation, lower the BP, baby and I are both healthier. And wouldn't you know after two weeks of bed rest the ultrasound at 35 weeks showed her abdomen grew. It actually grew appropriately in those 2 weeks. More than anyone expected.

Shes still too small but there was two weeks of growth in two weeks. After zero growth, I'll call that amazing.

I say all this to say that the perinatologist we saw on Monday was a jerk. He said bed rest does nothing, it's just something doctors recommend when they don't know what else to do. He basically said "You have a small baby, so what. You're fine. Go home and schedule an induction in another two weeks." I was trying to understand what my limitations were and I asked "So basically still no activity. No cooking dinner, things like that?" He looked at Brian and said, "I don't know, can YOU cook?" I wanted to punch him in the face.

With everything we've been through and the team of doctors who decided to put me in the hospital because things were so severe I get this one doctor who has decided that nothing is wrong. I believe in the power of prayer but, really, all of a sudden everything is normal? No. I believe that it's better. I believe that the steps we've taken to assure that we can get this girl as healthy as possible have made a huge difference. I do not believe that everything is candy and roses.

Brian was upset too but obviously less hormonal than me and tried to see both sides. "Just because his bedside manner sucks doesn't mean he's wrong. He IS a doctor." Yes. Yes he is a doctor and I'm not. I just think he's a bad doctor and I wish I would have asked to see the other perinatologist that I had seen at my two previous appointments. This new guy just gave me his opinion like it was fact and didn't give me any supporting data or evidence as to how he came up with why he thought that way. I had to ask to see the growth charts. Brian had to ask what percentile she was in now. The guy was just a jerk.

I called my doctor as soon as we left the office because I wasn't comfortable with how we left things and I still felt like I didn't know anything. She wasn't in the office but I'll feel so much better after talking with her, even if she says the same thing.

Ultrasound Update

I had my ultrasound yesterday, along with blood work, another 24 urine study, and NST. The blood work was normal as it always has been. The 24 hour study came back with an increase in protein from the last one, but not enough to deliver me yesterday. The NST went well after some juice to make Baby Girl move a little. The ultrasound showed some growth, although not a lot.

From my ultrasound at 31 weeks to the scan at 33 weeks Baby Girl's abdomen didn't grow at all. This was why I got put in the hospital and eventually bed rest at home.

After two weeks of bed rest the ultrasound at 35 weeks showed her abdomen grew. It actually grew appropriately in those 2 weeks. She's still too small but there was two weeks of growth in two weeks. After the previous interval with zero growth, I'll call that amazing.

The perinatologist wasn't impressed. He was a jerk (more about this in the next blog, it got way too long). I called my doctor as soon as we left his office because I just wasn't comfortable with the way he left things. I'm waiting to hear back from her today. So for now, nothing has changed as far as a plan. I'm still resting at home but we are thrilled with the growth. She's estimated at just over 4 pounds so I'm crossing my fingers I can take back the premie clothes :)  

Day By Day

It's been a long, rough couple of weeks. After my last ultrasound on Sept 30 they decided I needed to be admitted to the hospital at only 33weeks. In the two weeks since my previous ultrasound Baby Girl hadn't grow at all. Now she was measuring 4 weeks behind my dates and in a more serious condition of growth restriction. I cried. A lot.

This turned our world upside down in an instant. We were prepared for them to tell us that we might need to deliver, we weren't prepared to be in the hospital for the rest of the pregnancy. We went home to get a bag of things and back to the hospital to check in. Caleb was very sweet and wanted to hold my hand the whole way there. I was still crying and he was concerned. I don't know how I got such a sweet, affectionate boy. I'm so blessed.

Grandma and Grandpa stepped in to the rescue and kept Caleb overnight for two nights while Brian had to work. Papa (Brian's dad) flew in from Michigan to stay with the boys and help out. Having someone to drive Caleb to school and stay with him at night and cook meals has helped a lot.

I spent 8 days in the hospital. The hardest part was being away from my son. He came to visit and cried every time it was time to leave. It absolutely broke my heart. But after those 8 days the team of doctors taking care of me decided that I was stable enough to be on bed rest at home. They were happy to see me make it to as milestone 34 weeks.

I still have to go to the office 3 days a week for monitoring and I'm still scheduled for my ultrasound on Monday, October 14. I'll be 35 weeks and that will tell us a lot more. In the mean time, I'm glad to be home and trying not to move off the couch.