Buying Some Time

At my Monday appointment my doctor said she really feels that my time with this pregnancy is very limited. I'm 32 weeks now and everyone seems to think that 34 weeks is the magic number. But if the results from the 24 hour test came back bad or my ultrasound next Monday is bad she would need to deliver me. She didn't want me to miss the window where a steroid shot to mature Baby Girl's lungs would be effective so she called ahead and off to the hospital we went.

Brian and I sat in a little room for almost two hours while they had me on monitors and gave me a shot, which hurt like crazy. I'm glad Brian was holding my hand. And making me guzzle juice so she'd move for the monitors.

Tuesday I went back to the hospital for round two of the shot. It didn't hurt as bad but I'm pretty sure the nurse mistook my huge love handle for a butt cheek and the medicine went into my fat and not my muscle. I don't blame her, my love handles are nice and round and my butt cheek is flat like the back of my thigh should be. One could only assume. She assured me it was fine.

Today I got the results from my 24 hour test and they were a little high. Just past the cut off for early preeclampsia. But given my gestational age and the fact that my BP has been stable, high but stable, she doesn't think there needs to be any intervention at this time. A small blessing of relief!

So for now, Baby Girl gets to stay in a little longer. At least until my ultrasound on Monday. Unless I actually go into pre-term labor we aren't having a baby this weekend. With that, Brian is getting on a  plane tomorrow morning and leaving me until Sunday. I don't know how I'm going to rest being a single mom of a 3 year old for 4 days.

Getting Real

We went on our hospital tour today. It made things really real. I'm having baby girl at a different hospital than where Caleb was born and realized I had no clue where I was going when I ended up in L&D at 11pm. At least I'm familiar with the hospital itself because I've worked there and had so many appointments. Brian didn't even know where to park.

She covered pretty much everything I could think of except the NICU. We walked past it and I wanted to look in. I wanted to ask a million questions. At the end we hung back and asked her about visitors, hours, etc. She told me she would have one of the NICU nurses call me next week because she really didn't know much.

When she was explaining to the whole group how a typical birth experience goes she painted this beautiful picture of bonding and creating a healthy environment for the baby. She talked about bringing the baby right to mom before cleaning them and the importance of immediate skin to skin contact. All the wonderful things that they do that make the baby's transition in to an air breathing world so much better. I nearly cried because I know it won't be like that for me. I have horrible nightmares about them just taking her away without even getting to hold her.

We're also painting her dressers this weekend. We realized we're about out of weekends to get things ready for her. Brian is out right now picking up a sanding block from my step-brother and then we're going to get the paint. After they're done and in the room I just need to wash everything and put it all away. I need to make one trip to buy a few small things and then I think we'll be ready for her. Oh, except for a name.

Hanging On

I saw my doctor today to go over the ultrasound results and check on how the new blood pressure meds are working. She's not panicking either but made it clear that I am much more high risk than we originally thought. I've been high risk since the beginning but my complications are progressing and she's watching me like a hawk. 

As of today my blood pressure is still extremely high and there was a little protein in my urine. That prompted her to up medications once again and to order stat labs and a 24 hr urine study. The labs came back normal, thank goodness. I was never diagnosed with preeclampsia because I never had protein in my urine. But now... it's a possibility. The 24 hr test will tell for sure and if there is too much, "We'll have to deliver you." Like, next week?! I wasn't prepared for that.

I was still trying to wrap my brain around the possibility of being delivered in 3 weeks. Now there is a possibility that it could be next week? Right, like that's going to help me keep my blood pressure down.

I'm officially off work as of today and she put me on modified bed rest. It's way sooner than I thought and all a little scary, but I know it's the right thing to do. I know it's what's best for this little girl and if staying home keeps her in even one week longer I'll take it.

A Little Bit For Me

There are a million things I need to do before this little girl comes and I suddenly have a lot less time than I thought. Among all the cleaning and washing and blah blah I've decided I also need some me time.

Once I don't have to worry about my work schedule anymore I fully intend to get a hair cut, get my eye brows done, a pedicure and maybe a manicure. There will be multiple Starbucks trips included as well. (Hey, I got a lot of gift cards for my birthday, might as well make good use of them).

I saw a link online to a list of things to do before baby comes that don't necessarily involve the baby. Yes, every mom washes all the new clothes and packs the hospital bag. But the list had a few other interesting things to include pampering. There will be no time for that after the baby comes and I'm overdue anyway. And I deserve it.

One of the other things it suggested was to have someone else (an agency or private party) come clean your house. Any volunteers?

In Other [baby] News....

Here's the latest. I had a growth ultrasound on Thursday to check on Baby Girl. One of the things I'm at risk for is placental failure which causes growth restriction (to varying degrees).

Short version: Shes's small and I won't make it to my due date.

Long version: My placenta is starting to fail based on the Dopplers they did and Baby Girl is only at the 7th percentile for her size. Her growth is slowing down because she's not getting all the necessary things she needs from my placenta. The placenta if failing because we can't get my blood pressure under control so it's not going to get any better. It can only get worse.

The perinatologist is having me start non-stress tests (NST) twice a week to monitor her and I'll be getting growth ultrasounds with Doppelrs every two weeks now. I'm done working after next week in order to eliminate extra stress that could cause my blood pressure to go up any more. The doctor said he thinks that I will easily make it to 34 weeks (I'll be 31 weeks on Monday) and he'd be really happy with that. After 34 weeks I'll be holding my breath that her growth is stable. If it's not, or the Dopplers show less plancental function at some point the doctors will decide to give me a steroid injection to mature her lungs and deliver her.

It's scary to have a baby so early but really probably the best thing for her. Right now she's not getting enough oxygen and nutrients because my placenta isn't doing it's job. Once she's out she will have an unlimited supply of both and could potentially do very well.

If there is a silver lining its this: There are two types of growth restriction, one is better than the other because it spares the brain and the rest of the body lags behind. These babies are the ones who do very well after they deliver. Once they have everything they need that they weren't getting inside the womb the body catches up to their normally developed brain. This is the kind of growth restriction that our baby has.

So it's week by week and test by test. We're definitely going to have this girl sooner than we thought... and she doesn't even have a name.

How much longer.....

I know that every pregnancy is different. I guess I was just expecting the different things to be more like how I carried the baby and the extent of nausea, etc. Little things. It's still a pregnancy, still a baby growing inside.

I never thought the different things would cause trips to ER and Labor and Delivery in the middle of the night.

I've been having a lot of pelvic pressure for a few weeks and I told my doctor about it at my last appointment. She didn't seem concerned, just thought it was they way the baby was sitting low in my pelvis. The last three days that pressure has turned into a constant pain and feels like it's lower in my cervix. It hurts to walk. It's the kind of pain I felt when Caleb was in the birth canal and I was ready to deliver. And it didn't go away and lying down didn't make it better. And he internet is scary when you start reading about all the things that it could be, like early dilation and cervical incompetence.

I decided to go to bed. It's 10:00pm on a Saturday night, just go to bed. So I took my blood pressure like I'm supposed to and it was high. Really high. And I'm emotional and ran every worst case scenario through my brain before I finally called my doctor.

She was concerned more about the blood pressure than the pain and told me to come over to L&D at the hospital and she would meet me there. Of course all of this happens when Brian is out of town for the weekend. I sat on the couch and cried.

All the tests and exams she did were normal and my blood pressure eventually settled into a high normal, which she is ok with for me since it's high when I'm not pregnant. I'm pretty sure everything she did was just to give me peace of mind, but I don't care. I felt better knowing that I'm not starting to dilate and my cervix isn't shortening and it's just a crappy way to be pregnant. It also helped my blood pressure to be able to calm down and stop worrying about baby girl. I wouldn't have slept all night without the reassurance that the pain wasn't anything to worry about.

This pregnancy has been stressful for me and I'm not sure how much more I can take. Knowing that, my doctor plans to take me out of work. She really wants me resting and keeping my blood pressure down.  It's way earlier than I wanted to go out but if it means keeping baby girl healthy and not going into preterm labor then I'll do whatever I need to do.

Thanks to my dad who came with me to the hospital and to my step-mom for staying with my sleeping toddler.

Cleanig party, anyone?

I'm not a messy person but I'm not super clean either. I do laundry when there are no clean towels, I do dishes when there are no clean bowls. That's how I operate. Unless people are coming over.

Nothing makes me clean like having guests. Doesn't matter who it is, if I know someone will be entering my home it has to be clean. Brian and I joke that we need to have people over more often (it's rare) because that's the only way we pick up clutter, and usually the only way I clean the kitchen floor. 

Sunday morning Caleb has a play date and my house is hazmat worthy. I love that Caleb has actual friends that he asks to play with by name, and I love it even more when I get along with their mom. It makes play dates and zoo trips so much less annoying when the other mom is someone I enjoy hanging out with too.

So here we are, Friday night and with no motivation I look around the house thinking of all the things I need to do and clean and put away before they get here on Sunday. "Thinking about" is the key phrase here. I know I will kick myself later for saying "I can do it tomorrow."

Leanne, if you get here Sunday and no one answers the door, just come inside. I'll probably be trapped under a pile of laundry holding a can of Lysol and a white flag.

Why yes, I am right handed

Physical therapy for my shoulder has been going well. After just three sessions my therapist, Matt, said I was already 40% better. And I feel it. The first session was rough, I hurt more the next day. But then it got easier and I could tell I was getting better.

At my fourth session Matt asked for an update (like he always does) and I told him that after a very busy weekend at work my shoulder only hurt minimally (muscle aches, not the pain I was getting PT for) and that my hand didn't go numb at all. Matt did a fist pump and a happy dance. Huge progress!!

Today was another story. Yesterday was insanely busy at work, I didn't even get a lunch. Crabby, hungry pregnant ladies are not to be messed with. I fully expected my shoulder to hurt today and to need ice. No! Zero pain, absolutely zero. But my hand? Oh numbness and tingles every time I grabbed the transducer. And when I blow dry my hair. And when I use a knife. And when I drive, and write, and open a door. Matt did not do a happy dance.

The hand is getting worse. Fast. And it's really annoying. It's been decided that it's pregnancy induced carpal tunnel. Because I need one more thing. So I just need to deal with it until after the baby is born and wear a brace all the time. Here's hoping it goes away when she's born and with rest from maternity leave. Not being able to blow dry my hair has been devastating.