I really wanted to blog about Megan's stay in the NICU as it was all happening, while my emotions were high and things were happening day by day. But that just didn't happen. After I was discharged from the hospital I was driving back and forth to see her 3 times a day, plus trying to pump breast milk every three hours around the clock and still get dinner on the table. There wasn't time for blogging.
She was born on a Thursday night and I was discharged on Saturday afternoon. Brian came up to the hospital to pick me up and loaded the car while my nurse escorted me out. We drove away from the hospital, just the two of us. I sobbed uncontrollably. It hurt my heart so badly to be leaving the hospital without my baby.
I knew she was in good hands and that she was well taken care of. That wasn't the issue. I never worried about her safety or her well being. NICU nurses are some of the most compassionate nurses I have ever met and are more than capable of taking care of my baby's medical needs. But they aren't her mother. No one will love her like I do or hold her the way I do. No nurse can give her the skin to skin contact that is so beneficial in the first weeks of life. She will cry longer than she needs to because her nurse is taking care of another baby. A nurse is a nurse, and that's wonderful. But a nurse isn't her mom.
I stressed every minute that I wasn't there with her. My days revolved around pumping and getting back to the hospital for her next feeding. I made sure I was there every shift to meet every nurse that would be taking care of her. I stayed for about 2 hours every time and came back a few hours later. It began to really wear me down. I didn't care, it was for Megan and I'd do anything for that girl.
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