Letting It Ride

I saw my doctor yesterday, even though I wasn't supposed to. I was scheduled for my regular NST and fluid check but not a visit with the doctor until Friday's appointment. When I was called back the nurse said "are you seeing the doctor today?" I told her that I wasn't scheduled to but that I wish I was. She made it happen.

I talked to her about the jerk perinatologist and asked her all my questions and explained all my concerns. Without crying. I'm so proud of myself. She basically agreed with me that the perinatologist should have had a little more compassion and presented things in a more professional manner, that often times they are focused on the baby and forget that the person sitting in front of them is a patient, too.

She also agreed with his recommendation, though. But I feel better hearing it from her and knowing that she is on board with letting things ride. She was very impressed with how much growth there was (even though it wasn't much, she was expecting less). She said "To be honest, I really thought you were going to have a baby on Monday." So did I. No one, not a single doctor I've seen, thought we'd make it this far.


So right now the plan is to go in 3 times a week for NST and fluid check, blood work once a week and seeing the doctor once a week. If at any point any of those go south or my blood pressure spikes then we'll deliver. Otherwise we're hanging in there and it's really day by day.

But 37 weeks (which if you remember was initially called a miracle to reach) is still the day. My doctor said that even if everything is still stable that's the day we bail her out. And I'll happily take that miracle.

Even when it's good news, bedside manner is still important

There are conflicting studies and papers about whether or not bed rest is actually effective or if it just makes you go crazy (that part I can attest to). But the way the perinatologist explained it made sense that it would work. And the biggest reason why opinions differ is because of the people conducting the study: those who do daily clinical work as see results in patients vs those who primarily do research. The clinicians say it works. And I believe him.

Obviously my blood pressure stays down when I'm relaxed and not trying to do a million things and keep up with everything that comes with being a mom and a wife. And my blood pressure is the problem. So it makes perfect sense to me that when you knock those things out of the equation, lower the BP, baby and I are both healthier. And wouldn't you know after two weeks of bed rest the ultrasound at 35 weeks showed her abdomen grew. It actually grew appropriately in those 2 weeks. More than anyone expected.

Shes still too small but there was two weeks of growth in two weeks. After zero growth, I'll call that amazing.

I say all this to say that the perinatologist we saw on Monday was a jerk. He said bed rest does nothing, it's just something doctors recommend when they don't know what else to do. He basically said "You have a small baby, so what. You're fine. Go home and schedule an induction in another two weeks." I was trying to understand what my limitations were and I asked "So basically still no activity. No cooking dinner, things like that?" He looked at Brian and said, "I don't know, can YOU cook?" I wanted to punch him in the face.

With everything we've been through and the team of doctors who decided to put me in the hospital because things were so severe I get this one doctor who has decided that nothing is wrong. I believe in the power of prayer but, really, all of a sudden everything is normal? No. I believe that it's better. I believe that the steps we've taken to assure that we can get this girl as healthy as possible have made a huge difference. I do not believe that everything is candy and roses.

Brian was upset too but obviously less hormonal than me and tried to see both sides. "Just because his bedside manner sucks doesn't mean he's wrong. He IS a doctor." Yes. Yes he is a doctor and I'm not. I just think he's a bad doctor and I wish I would have asked to see the other perinatologist that I had seen at my two previous appointments. This new guy just gave me his opinion like it was fact and didn't give me any supporting data or evidence as to how he came up with why he thought that way. I had to ask to see the growth charts. Brian had to ask what percentile she was in now. The guy was just a jerk.

I called my doctor as soon as we left the office because I wasn't comfortable with how we left things and I still felt like I didn't know anything. She wasn't in the office but I'll feel so much better after talking with her, even if she says the same thing.

Ultrasound Update

I had my ultrasound yesterday, along with blood work, another 24 urine study, and NST. The blood work was normal as it always has been. The 24 hour study came back with an increase in protein from the last one, but not enough to deliver me yesterday. The NST went well after some juice to make Baby Girl move a little. The ultrasound showed some growth, although not a lot.

From my ultrasound at 31 weeks to the scan at 33 weeks Baby Girl's abdomen didn't grow at all. This was why I got put in the hospital and eventually bed rest at home.

After two weeks of bed rest the ultrasound at 35 weeks showed her abdomen grew. It actually grew appropriately in those 2 weeks. She's still too small but there was two weeks of growth in two weeks. After the previous interval with zero growth, I'll call that amazing.

The perinatologist wasn't impressed. He was a jerk (more about this in the next blog, it got way too long). I called my doctor as soon as we left his office because I just wasn't comfortable with the way he left things. I'm waiting to hear back from her today. So for now, nothing has changed as far as a plan. I'm still resting at home but we are thrilled with the growth. She's estimated at just over 4 pounds so I'm crossing my fingers I can take back the premie clothes :)  

Day By Day

It's been a long, rough couple of weeks. After my last ultrasound on Sept 30 they decided I needed to be admitted to the hospital at only 33weeks. In the two weeks since my previous ultrasound Baby Girl hadn't grow at all. Now she was measuring 4 weeks behind my dates and in a more serious condition of growth restriction. I cried. A lot.

This turned our world upside down in an instant. We were prepared for them to tell us that we might need to deliver, we weren't prepared to be in the hospital for the rest of the pregnancy. We went home to get a bag of things and back to the hospital to check in. Caleb was very sweet and wanted to hold my hand the whole way there. I was still crying and he was concerned. I don't know how I got such a sweet, affectionate boy. I'm so blessed.

Grandma and Grandpa stepped in to the rescue and kept Caleb overnight for two nights while Brian had to work. Papa (Brian's dad) flew in from Michigan to stay with the boys and help out. Having someone to drive Caleb to school and stay with him at night and cook meals has helped a lot.

I spent 8 days in the hospital. The hardest part was being away from my son. He came to visit and cried every time it was time to leave. It absolutely broke my heart. But after those 8 days the team of doctors taking care of me decided that I was stable enough to be on bed rest at home. They were happy to see me make it to as milestone 34 weeks.

I still have to go to the office 3 days a week for monitoring and I'm still scheduled for my ultrasound on Monday, October 14. I'll be 35 weeks and that will tell us a lot more. In the mean time, I'm glad to be home and trying not to move off the couch.

Buying Some Time

At my Monday appointment my doctor said she really feels that my time with this pregnancy is very limited. I'm 32 weeks now and everyone seems to think that 34 weeks is the magic number. But if the results from the 24 hour test came back bad or my ultrasound next Monday is bad she would need to deliver me. She didn't want me to miss the window where a steroid shot to mature Baby Girl's lungs would be effective so she called ahead and off to the hospital we went.

Brian and I sat in a little room for almost two hours while they had me on monitors and gave me a shot, which hurt like crazy. I'm glad Brian was holding my hand. And making me guzzle juice so she'd move for the monitors.

Tuesday I went back to the hospital for round two of the shot. It didn't hurt as bad but I'm pretty sure the nurse mistook my huge love handle for a butt cheek and the medicine went into my fat and not my muscle. I don't blame her, my love handles are nice and round and my butt cheek is flat like the back of my thigh should be. One could only assume. She assured me it was fine.

Today I got the results from my 24 hour test and they were a little high. Just past the cut off for early preeclampsia. But given my gestational age and the fact that my BP has been stable, high but stable, she doesn't think there needs to be any intervention at this time. A small blessing of relief!

So for now, Baby Girl gets to stay in a little longer. At least until my ultrasound on Monday. Unless I actually go into pre-term labor we aren't having a baby this weekend. With that, Brian is getting on a  plane tomorrow morning and leaving me until Sunday. I don't know how I'm going to rest being a single mom of a 3 year old for 4 days.

Getting Real

We went on our hospital tour today. It made things really real. I'm having baby girl at a different hospital than where Caleb was born and realized I had no clue where I was going when I ended up in L&D at 11pm. At least I'm familiar with the hospital itself because I've worked there and had so many appointments. Brian didn't even know where to park.

She covered pretty much everything I could think of except the NICU. We walked past it and I wanted to look in. I wanted to ask a million questions. At the end we hung back and asked her about visitors, hours, etc. She told me she would have one of the NICU nurses call me next week because she really didn't know much.

When she was explaining to the whole group how a typical birth experience goes she painted this beautiful picture of bonding and creating a healthy environment for the baby. She talked about bringing the baby right to mom before cleaning them and the importance of immediate skin to skin contact. All the wonderful things that they do that make the baby's transition in to an air breathing world so much better. I nearly cried because I know it won't be like that for me. I have horrible nightmares about them just taking her away without even getting to hold her.

We're also painting her dressers this weekend. We realized we're about out of weekends to get things ready for her. Brian is out right now picking up a sanding block from my step-brother and then we're going to get the paint. After they're done and in the room I just need to wash everything and put it all away. I need to make one trip to buy a few small things and then I think we'll be ready for her. Oh, except for a name.

Hanging On

I saw my doctor today to go over the ultrasound results and check on how the new blood pressure meds are working. She's not panicking either but made it clear that I am much more high risk than we originally thought. I've been high risk since the beginning but my complications are progressing and she's watching me like a hawk. 

As of today my blood pressure is still extremely high and there was a little protein in my urine. That prompted her to up medications once again and to order stat labs and a 24 hr urine study. The labs came back normal, thank goodness. I was never diagnosed with preeclampsia because I never had protein in my urine. But now... it's a possibility. The 24 hr test will tell for sure and if there is too much, "We'll have to deliver you." Like, next week?! I wasn't prepared for that.

I was still trying to wrap my brain around the possibility of being delivered in 3 weeks. Now there is a possibility that it could be next week? Right, like that's going to help me keep my blood pressure down.

I'm officially off work as of today and she put me on modified bed rest. It's way sooner than I thought and all a little scary, but I know it's the right thing to do. I know it's what's best for this little girl and if staying home keeps her in even one week longer I'll take it.